Coffin Corner Tuesdays: Power Rankings

1. Chargers (0) Nothing will make me move on this. Antonio Gates is injured? Just pass the ball to Vincent Jackson. Nick Hardwick's out? Well, we have former starter Jeremy Newberry. It's ridiculous. 
2. Patriots (0) I really hate that they have to be here, but Randy Moss and Tom Brady do a lot to allay any concerns I have about their secondary. 
3. Colts (0) Another team I hate to put here, but Peyton Manning does a lot to keep them in games, and Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark, and Anthony Gonzalez are still a really solid receiving group, even if nobody knows when Marvin Harrison will play again.
4. Cowboys (0) They are a very good team. The best? Not exactly. Although they played most of last season with him, I don't entirely trust Patrick Crayton. Also their D-line is somewhat suspect. Jay Ratliff is only entering his second season as starter, and I'm not a huge fan of their DEs. Secondary is looking like it has some options though, with the addition of Adam Jones and Brandon Flowers... so if they can get a playoff win it'll be a good season in Dallas.
5. Seahawks (+1) It seems a little high for them I suppose, but I'm thinking big things in Andy Reid's last year. Julius Jones has something to prove, Matt Hasselbeck is as reliable as anything, and the defense is solid. Good stuff right here. 
6. Giants (-1) Not too sure what this team is going to be, but seeing the Redskins and Eagles getting better makes me believe that it has to come at the expense of somebody. 
7. Jaguars (+1) Derrick Harvey hold out? Who cares. Is he really that much better than Groves? Were you expecting an 8 sack season from him anyways? And if you are, then ask yourself, how many sacks did you see Jamaal Anderson and Gaines Adams getting last year? Or Mario Williams the year before? They have time. What they also have is a better secondary, a good QB, WRs on the rise, and a good team. 
8. Vikings (+4) Pretty big rise here, but I think this team actually has a future. Call me crazy, and I know Tarvaris Jackson is risky like nothing else, but the D-line has to do something awful this year. I mean, Jared Allen and both Williams'? Some QB is going to get hurt. Plus, they have what is looking like an easier and easier division, and I think they could pick up some easy wins, some momentum, then it's off to the races.
9. Saints (+1) Yes, Jeremy Shockey does do that much for this team. He's a second receiver. Line him up on the same side as Colston and teams have three options, none of them good. Use a safety and have no double coverage on Colston, use an LB and risk a mismatch, or use a nickel back and lose an LB for run/rush support. Best part of it is that it forces the opposing defense to loosen the coverage on whatever guy the Saints plug in at #2 WR and gives Drew Brees two more options for the price of one. Good deal.
10. Steelers (+3) Did I have them too low before? Absolutely. Do they still have major problems along the O-line? You bet. Am I convinced Willie Parker is healthy? Getting better, but not yet. I'm also worried about Polamalu's health. I see progress, but not success this year. 
11. Bills (0) I think they belong right here. An outside shot team that, if the cards fall right, will make the playoffs. You need James Hardy to step up, Trent Edwards to preform, and improved defense to play better, but they just might pull it off. 
12. Eagles (-3) Speaking of outside shot teams, you have the Eagles. Donovan McNabb has no receivers. Now, you may say that this didn't stop him before, but remember the year they made it to the Super Bowl was the year they had Terrell Owens. Also, McNabb isn't the speed threat he used to be, and never will be again. He needs to transform into a pocket passer, but needs weapons to do so. People talk about how this team needs a red-zone threat, but what they really need is just that big, dependable receiver with good hands who can move the chains. Good luck to you Westbrook, you'll need it. 
13. Browns (-5) I'm not buying into the hype anymore. Let's go over some of the recievers that Brandon McDonald and Eric Wright will have to cover his year: Terrell Owens, Hines Ward, Chad Johnson, T. J. Houshmanzadeh, Plaxico Burress, Brandon Marshall, Lee Evans, Andre Johnson, and Reggie Wayne. Throw in basically the league's toughest schedule, and this team is in trouble. 
14. Redskins (+5) Am I reading too much into the Hall of Fame game? Definitely. Especially because the Colts haven't won their first pre-season game of the season for something like the last 5 or 6 years. However, I think Jason Campbell looked very sharp, Clinton Portis is probably as good as always, Chris Cooley is not your average tight end, and Santana Moss is at least as good if not better than your average #1 WR. Their O-line doesn't have that many years left, but they could do a lot in the next season or two to fix that. Draft an O-line man in the first round next year and you could be looking at a line in transition instead of one on the decline. You can't say enough for the leadership that Jason Taylor will hopefully provide, and I think London Fletcher-Baker is also in for a big season. I'm also taking a shine to Jim Zorn. Pretty good shot at a playoff spot in my opinion. 
15. Panthers (+5) Jake Delhomme is looking better, and I think that Hurney and Fox's win at any cost policy this year (to keep their jobs) will lead to the team getting a few wins. I'm not saying it's progress over the long term, but wins are wins. 
16. Ravens (+3) There's a saying in NFL. If you think you have two starters (or even three) then you probably don't have one. I think this definitely applies the Ravens. I absolutely HATE the Joe Flacco pick, but I also like Kyle Boller's ability to not ruin things totally and Troy Smith's ability to, in college at least, win games. Where the Ravens do have starters is on defense. And lots of them. This doesn't make them win games, but it keeps them in them. Not saying an amazing team next year.... but maybe not terrible. 
17. Packers (-3) Do I think the Brett Favre controversy hurt them? Absolutely. It's good that they have Ryan Grant in camp though. This might be a little low for them, especially if all the focus on Favre makes them mad enough to win.... but I just don't see Aaron Rodgers as starter material. What makes anyone think he is? The fact that he's been injured in all three of the situations in which he saw major playing time? He supposedly can throw a ball far? It took him way too long to unseat a 37 year old starter (admittedly, that starter's name was Brett Favre)? Don't count me on this bandwagon yet. 
18. Titans (-2) Haynesworth is under contract and motivated to produce so he doesn't get franchised again. Vince Young is hopefully better (although would his coaches announce it if he wasn't?), and supposedly this team roughed up the Rams in their training camp scrimmage. Somehow, someway, this team does just enough to win just enough of its games. That's not something you should regularly bet against. 
19. Bears (-1) Same as the Ravens, but double since they have no running game and a defense coming off a down year. Call me crazy though, but they're giving the start (maybe, as long as Lovie Smith was lying and there is in fact "rhyme and reason" to him giving Orton the start in their first pre-season game) to Kyle Orton, and he has a good record as a starter... albeit a terrible QB rating. Could they maybe pull this season off? Probably not, but they might show just enough progress to keep hope alive. 
20. Buccaneers (-3) Jeff Garcia is probably pretty unhappy at this point, and the Bucs have gained nothing. He also appears to be injured. And, as you know, the team who won the NFC South the previous year never wins it again. Joey Galloway gets a year older, as does Derrick Brooks. I'm not seeing a repeat. 
21. Cardinals (+5) Well they've managed to really make Anquan Boldin mad. Unfortunately, a lot of the situation has to do with the fact that this team has made a huge number of bad decisions in terms of draft picks and contracts. Let's go over their first round draft picks 2000 -2007 and when they were chosen. Just for fun. Thomas Jones (7), Leonard David (2), Wendell Bryant (12), Bryant Johnson (17), Larry Fitzgerald (3), Antrel Rolle (8), Matt Leinart (10), Levi Brown (5). So the end result is they have a whole lot of money tied up in players who are not necessarily producing as much as their contracts would say. Especially because there's only one pick there below 10th overall. Anyways, what counts is that they actually made some progress last year, and Ken Whisenhunt may just do enough to make this team respectable before he gets too jaded about a franchise that managed to take the two first round picks, one second round pick, and Eric Metcalf that it received from the Chargers as compensation for the pick that they used to take Ryan Lead and.... wait for it.... transform it into Andre Wadsworth, Corey Chavous, and David Boston. Hot dang. 
22. Broncos (-7) Let me sum it up for you. Rookie sensation Ryan Torain? Injured. Star WR Brandon Marshall? Suspended. O-line? Aging and ailing. Running back? Selvin Young, who predicts a 2000 yard season while his coach talks about 10-12 carries a game. Pass rush? Anchored on a guy who was busted for cocaine possession this year, none other than Marcus Thomas. Although there is that Elvis Dumervil fellow. And quick... name the starting MLB. This is a team in more trouble than it is willing to admit. No matter how hard you look, I don't think Champ Bailey and Dre Bly are going to save this one. 
23. Bengals (+4) I hate to be too optimistic... but Chad Johnson is in camp and that's a start. Rudi Johnson apparently feels good, and that's good too. And I hear Chris Perry is finally ready to play. Keith Rivers finally signed, and maybe, just maybe, they could pull together a wild-card season. Outside shot? You bet. But there's if your mottos 'Who Dey?' you might as well relay on 'Who're They?' kind of players.  
24. Jets (+1) I do think adding Brett Favre was a positive move, if only because it allows them to draft a QB next year. I know he'll bring a bit of spark to the offense, and if they play him right they might be able to put together a different season. What I mean by 'play him right' is not try to use him as a game-breaking QB, but rather focus on the Thomas Jones running game and have Favre as just enough of a threat to stop opponent's from putting 8 in the box, and punishing them if they do. Faneca and Woody will be better at run-blocking than pass-blocking anyways. 
25. Texans (-3) If they were in any other division, they'd be above a lot of these teams. But the teams above them have a shot at being second best in their divisions and the best the Texans can hope for is third. Nothing against Matt Schaub, and certainly nothing against their D-line + Demeco Ryans.... but there's no way they're ready to take down the Colts/Jaguars. 
26. Rams (-4) They will move up when they get Steven Jackson on the field. But that man is just too important to this offense right now. They've got a so-so O-line, a fragile QB, and a one WR offense (Torry Holt). They NEED Steven Jackson. Also, 300+ rushing yards against the Titans? Please. 
27. Raiders (-3) Okay. So, Javon Walker sucks harder than I could have ever possibly imagined. Who doesn't though? Darren McFadden. Their running game is the real deal next year. JaMarcus Russell isn't. A lot of the defense has to prove itself to me before I'm sold on this team though... DeAngelo Hall included. This is THE year for this team. They now have a lot of young talent, but they either get better or die in the next year or two. In 3 years from now it could either be the draft class that started a Raider dynasty, or these players could be afterthoughts.
28. Dolphins (+1) I'm not dumb enough to rank them above "real" teams with players who matter, but I think they could win games this season. Minimum of 6, maybe even 8. Which, weirdly, is more than I see the Raiders winning. I have a lot of faith in Bill Parcells, the only problem? He's not the coach. I gotta see something from Tony Sparano, because so far it appears he's just a head that grows out of Parcells' shoulder and sometimes talks. 
29. Lions (+3) 32nd was too harsh. That's where the 49ers belong. But honestly, I'm fairly certain this team will be awful next year. Too much uncertainty, too much unfounded hope. At least with Martz you knew what you were getting, a really weird offensive philosophy that either exploded or imploded. And you never knew which, and that left hope for some wins. It seems like their new system will amount to 100% certainty... that it will rely on a bad running game that will always be bad. And that leaves hope for nothing but losses. 
30. Falcons (-2) Unlike the Lions, this team has a glimmer of hope because they have both Michael Turner and Jerious Norwood... although they lack an O-line. I don't think they'll do much, but this team is in good hands for the future. 
31. Chiefs (0) This team is going nowhere fast. You think they have a leg up on someone like the Dolphins... but they don't. It's like management considers that spending a season just saying: "we're rebuilding" is a good way to spend a season. It isn't. You have to spend a season trying to win games. If you fail, that's different. But you have to try... and it's clear that they won't be trying next year. 
32. 49ers (-1) This is probably too low for them because I think they might have a very solid defense, but I really hate their QB situation. There is clearly not one real starter across the whole group. They are where the Falcons were mid-way through last season, and soon they might be okay... especially if they draft well on offense.